Follow Me In My Determination To Change

I thought if I shared my journey I would be more likely to succeed.

Friday 16 July 2010

Why Am I Fat?

Easy to say it is emotional eating but I can link the peaks and troughs to my life.

When I got married I was at my adult best almost. I swam to loose weight in the months before my wedding and on the day I weighed 1kg less than my now ex husband but he is 6’2” and I am 4 inches less. He is also very fit, lots of muscle and so I was OK and would be happy with that now but I wasn’t thin.

My dad died just 7 weeks later and the first real comfort eating started. The weight piled on, and by the time I decided to do something I needed to shift almost 30 kilos. And I did, it was one of those fad diets, you know, meal replacement bars and shakes but it worked and over about 7 -8 months I lost 27 kilos. How can I remember? Well then I got pregnant and I put 28 kilos on but lost all but 2 kg immediately after her birth. I was almost the same size 9 months pregnant as I was just over a year before!

I was a useless mum and survived the first year, grabbing whatever I could find to eat between her feeds. Then a year later I had a new job, a new home and I wanted to take control. This time I went on a good old calorie controlled diet and lost most of it again. I took up cycling to and from work (with baby strapped to the back) and it worked. That Christmas I made myself a beautiful dress for work. I still have it and that is my goal to get into that dress. I don’t have a photo of me wearing it but I will get there.

I kept it off for almost a year and then my husband (we didn’t divorce until almost 25 years of marriage) was in the army and was sent to the First Gulf War. That was it, I was so stressed I piled it all back on.

The problem now was I knew I could do it, so I didn’t have to try so hard. Every diet would stop, start and eventually I would get motivated enough to loose 15 - 20 kilos but then stick and then slide back. My body knows it wants to be either 78 kilos (my goal) or 118 kilos (my natural high).

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