Follow Me In My Determination To Change

I thought if I shared my journey I would be more likely to succeed.

Monday 31 January 2011

Big, Big Achievement

I said earlier that I would like to do something that previously I was just a spectator to. The challenge I set myself was to try diving.

Many of my support group, my very special friends dive and I would so love to be able to do something with them. One of those very special friends, Dan, is also a dive instructor, so there is no better person I would want to give me my first lesson.

Yesterday was the day, and I was so excited. The first few minutes were a bit nerve wracking, what if I panic? but I had no need to worry (although worry is my middle name), Dan was fantastic. He didn't rush me, he was very patient and by the end my only worry was 'when will I do it again'. I had a great time, loved every minute and not that long ago I would never of even considered it. I was not very co-ordinated, and have a long way to go, but it was such fun.

Thank you Dan, and thank you all my other friends for giving me the courage and support I needed.

Saturday 29 January 2011

Looking and Feeling Great

A common theme in my blog is the fantastic support I have had from my friends during this process. I now think of myself as thinner although still as fat. The first time a lot of my friends saw me after the operation was early December and although I was wearing new clothes I looked awful. I looked thin and gaunt.

One of my best friends was the only one against me having the op, she is probably the only one who can remember me being thinner after my daughter ( now 22) was born and she thought I looked drawn then and she didn't want me to look Ill again. I wasn't ill then I was just struggling with being a new mum and the lack of sleep. I lost the weight quickly, out it back on over 6 months, took control of myself, lost it again ( too quickly) and then put it all on when he went to the First gulf war, that was 20 years ago and my weight has stuck to within 10kg ever since.

She had nothing to worry about, I looked awful but it was nothing to do with the diet, it was the iron problem, I did look bad, I had photos taken at a conference in Munich and looked like the walking dead. Since then I have a good normal blood count, had a great rest over Christmas and started to exercise. I feel and look great. Although the weight loss has slowed right down, the shape change is so noticeable, I also have a new wardrobe.

When I walk into a room it is nice if people notice and they do, this last week I have seen people who haven't seen me at all or even just since December and the comments have been wonderful. I posted my first photos on the blog a few weeks ago, and I look and feel good. If someone who doesn't know I had surgery says something I tell them, I am not hiding it at all, I am actually proud I finally did something about it that is working. In fact the only time I am even the slightest bit uncomfortable is when I have to tell a dejected waiter that returning most of my meal uneaten is nothing to do with the food itself, I simply can't eat it all.

Tuesday 25 January 2011

Glad I Kept the Goods

As I said in the last blog, I have a lot of wardrobe space, including one that stores just coats. Now the coats are in two complete groups.The ones that used to fit, and the ones with the labels still attached!

Let me explain, a few years ago I was honoured to be made part of an exclusive group in my industry. On admission I was asked my size, as it is a male dominate industry normally clothing giveaways are male, so I said XL. A few weeks later a lovely jacket arrived but it was a female cut and was never ever going to fit. Too embarrassed to admit it, it just went quietly into the cupboard, to be followed over the next few years by a long sleeved polo shirt, a Vest, T shirts and a fleece jacket and fleece jumper. All beautifully stored with their labels. I couldn't give them away because the logo is very special.

But now they fit. I need a new winter coat but I have come away with some of these items and I am going to wear with pride. Still a women's XL but they fit me.

Spring Clean

I am not sure if it means the same around the world but once a year we in the UK traditionally have a spring clean. Cupboards are emptied cleaned and the contents sorted and replaced. Well it will soon be that time of year and as I am away for 4 weeks my cleaner who comes every other week ( tempted to say fortnightly but I know that is a very British word), has decided to do mine whilst I am away.

How my cleaner will do it

There must be a law somewhere that says the amount of clothes you have must equal the amount of closet or wardrobe space plus some. I have lived in my own for three years and I have a lot of space. When you are big where you can buy clothes from is limited and my buying mantra seemed to be, "if it fits buy it" and often I never even wore them! Anyway I had removed a lot of clothes as they became just  too big and am filling large underbed bags upstairs in the spare room. In honour of the spring clean, I went through the clothes I hardly wore and removed those that were simply too big. Oh my, rather a lot. There are now just clothes I love hanging up and a few recent purchases but I could be a lot more ruthless which after 4 weeks away and more weight loss I hope I will be.

So my spring clean means more for my sisters and the charity shop, and a very empty wardrobe for me, perhaps I will have to go shopping!

A Change in My Thoughts on Flying

On Saturday I was flying, this is not a novel experience for me I fly every week but this is my first long flight since I have started to feel thinner! Daft as I flew to Dallas at the start of December but I didn't have these feelings then.

When I sat down, in economy I did not feel claustrophobic and we are not talking a lot of room, I could get the entertainment handset out of the side of my seat without actually having to stand up, but the best bit was the flight safety announcement.  Normally I switch off after " your seat belt is fasten like this and..." the next bit " adjusted like this" has never been relevant to me, I have used all of it, never needed the extra belt but not far off on some flights.

Then they brought the meal around, I ate half the meal, and normally I would put the extras into my bag or keep in the table top for later, but no more, I am not going to eat them so why keep them!

Saturday 22 January 2011

One Large Suitcase

Earlier this month I treated myself to a new, expensive, large suitcase. Nothing to do with the diet exactly, although today I am travelling to the States for 4 1/2 weeks and the suitcase is full.

Funny thing is I am normally a light packer, but by the time I included all my nice new clothes, and my gym kit!!! there was so much more than normal.

My luggage allowance is 2 pieces at 23Kg each. Not being an American, I only need the one case, and when it went on the scales it was 22.6Kg, EXACTLY how much I have lost to date. That is scary, I have been carrying around all this extra weight, and I don't come with wheels. I also have another suitcase (not quite as big) to go.

Monday 17 January 2011

First Swim - Felt Good

Swimming is the fat person's favourite sport. When you are in the water you don't weigh a lot, so I enjoy swimming. I'm not very stylish but I can swim for a fairly long time. No recognised stroke, although my daughter (who is a qualified lifeguard and swam competitively), calls it 'Old Lady Stroke' - a kind of breast stroke that does not involve the hair getting wet at all.

Now I am exercising daily, you would think swimming would be high up there, and in a way it is but I had a problem. A swimming costume is one item of clothing that has to fit, and I was having trouble finding one, but I did and today I had my first swim. I even managed to wake up and get up at 5.50am!

the actual pool

I was in a hotel and their pool is pretty good. I would guess about 15 -18 metres in length. I aimed to do 30 lengths, but that was quite quick so extended it to 40 lengths and then thought 'stupid me, the answer is 42', so that is what I did.

Really enjoyed it.

Sucess With A Drink

I don't need to drink, no one does, but I actually enjoy it. In August before I had my operation I got very drunk and said 'Never Ever'. I did stay off the drink as my pre op diet was coming up at the start of October and there was no need to.

However as time went on I wanted to be able to have a little drink sociably. At the start of December I tried and failed but to be fair I was very tired and emotional and probably not the best time to try.

Last weekend I was rested, happy and having fun, and a nice drink would finish it off perfectly. It is not about getting drunk, been there, done that, just about having something in my hand and being relaxed.

I love champagne but I think the bubbles are going to be an issue for a while, so my next favourite would be rum or brandy. In my first attempt I felt the brandy was too heavy, so on this occasion looked for something lighter. My friend suggested a clear snaps from Finland, and I managed it, just a very small measure but it felt good. Next evening it was Cognac and then the last evening a Captain Morgan's Rum. So I did it, I can have a very small drink, enjoy it with friends, not spoil the diet and no chance of making a fool of myself.

Thursday 13 January 2011

Inspiration from Others and a Trade Secret

I have spoken about how my motivation for this blog was to inspire me and to soak up the support from friends.

A few days ago a friend who is embarking on his own weight loss journey decided to create his own blog and plagiarise my first posting. I say that with a big smile on my face because in our line of work plagiarism is a very serious issue and normally would kill any credibility we may have, but here it is not only an honour (which Chris is how we spell it in the real world), but a real inspiration to me.

Today Chris posted this about how 'fat' people are not taken seriously. Not only do I agree with him but I am living proof. I have to prove my ability first and work at least twice as hard to be taken seriously. I know one former colleague I used to get so angry with that was taken more seriously than me and yet I knew I deserved more, but it isn't her fault I was fat.

Thank you Chris, for your support, your posting and I wish you every success in your endeavour.

Tuesday 11 January 2011

First Photos

Taken on day 1 of the Pre Op Diet 1st October 2010

Taken On Sunday 9th January 2011 15 weeks

Monday 10 January 2011

A New Statistic

Today I watched the first episode of the new UK season of 'The Biggest Loser'. Hoping it will add to the motivation.

They use a statistic for deciding who is winning that I had not considered, a simple % lost of original weight.

So i need to lose 42Kg starting at 118Kg, which is 36% over a third of my starting body weight!!! That is unbelievable and horrendous.

Good news is that I have lost 18.6%.

Sunday 9 January 2011

The Support of Friends

I am an avid Facebook user and today a friend posted this:

His response is another example of how much support I am getting from my friends. Thank you

Thursday 6 January 2011

I Fought it But HAD To Go Shopping

When you are fat you wear shapeless clothes, so my plan was to buy only essentials during the weight loss. friends told me that once I tried something on smaller, I would want everything new. I fought it, honest I did and first to go was trousers, they just hung. Then my basic tops that used to tell me I had reached my max weight started to look like rags, and people started to ask me to open my cardigans to see the weight loss.

So I went shopping , first for a few things in the US, and then the sales at M&S (If you don't live in the UK, M&S is our staple, quality store). 2/3 sizes smaller than when I started.

Got a little carried away with the bargains and my daughter got annoyed with me, saying 'Dont just but the same wardrobe again', she was right,  grey or black or black & grey. Then I pushed the boat out and bought a green cardigan, she said 'well done but try something not knitted'. This is just an interim wardrobe so perhaps I will be better next time.

Oh and yes, had to buy smaller underwear.

Tuesday 4 January 2011

Yes I Can Do It

When I started this blog, my motivation was that if I shared my story I would be more likely to succeed, and that includes the bad times.

In the past month or so I have had several postings about my issue with the fridge, and today was the first day back at work after the holidays so I was intending to go and sit in an office, keep away from the temptation, but things conspired to stop me.

However just sharing my frustration with you all (if anyone is reading this) was the motivation and inspiration I needed. So thank you blog.

I have had a good day, not only have I kept away from the fridge but I have also achieved a lot for work.

Its a great start to 2011.

Monday 3 January 2011

Take Me Away From All This

Still struggling with the procrastination and fridge visiting vicious circle and will have to go work in an office to break it.

But I do have some good news. I was worried when I wasn't loosing ANY weight a few weeks ago and then very surprised that I lost so much when I weighed myself at my friends over Christmas. when I got home it was obvious my scales had simply given up. Perhaps after so many years they have forgotten how to weigh under 100kgs! So I treated myself to a new set. I was going to blog about it and was looking for a suitable picture and came across this one.

It came from another person's weight loss blog and I found his story inspirational, he has lots of setbacks but keeps going and he is using a formula I have not come across before H.E.L.P
Here I am today and Eventually where do I want to be by Looking at the Long-Term and Planning for manageable results.

So Here I am  today I am 97kg - Eventually I want to 76Kg - Looking at the long term plan to eat less (avoiding the fridge), more exercise and Planning it for loosing 1 - 1.5Kg a week.

Sunday 2 January 2011

Pigging Out

Apparently my stomach will take about 200ml of food. However yesterday I  had a pig out day my favourite answer to procrastination, especially when I am in the house on my own. - I just have one more trip to the kitchen before I start the next job.

I have a really big American fridge freezer which is such a waste, I try to fill it with good things to eat, and my stomach physically cant accept too much, but I still have this need to open the door and see what I find. This is JUST a bad habit and I MUST break it. One thing I have done is filled the freezer with ice pops. Very unexciting but only 18 calories and I know I don't drink enough water so also keeps me hydrated. Yesterday I ate about 8 of them! Unfortunately I also ate a lot of other things, again not enough to put weight on, but I know I don't need it.

What is really weird is although I know I have eaten more than I need, and I know it isn't the end of the world, I still had a day of discomfort, that feeling when you have just overeaten and nothing sits well in your stomach. Perhaps I will learn.